Golcuk, Turkey
Thanks to everyone via both my blogs that has asked to fill out a problem of evil questionnaire when it is ready. One of my pastors suggested I mention the questionnaire in my blog headings and I may do so eventually. My three philosophical theodicy chapters are currently under review and I am working on revising the practical theology chapter. Once these are accepted I shall be ready to issue the questionnaire.
In part of one of this series, which may only have two parts, I related my research of theodicy (the problem of evil in a theistic universe) with being single. At this point I wish to bring more of the human element into the discussion.
Some other observations:
I reason that God is sovereign and human beings have by my definition a limited free will (see the Edwards article if interested). Whether or not a person believes in the Biblical Christ is between God and that individual. The fact there are only a minority of Christians in Western society and in Canada is a negative that I can do nothing about. I have a small pool of potential women to choose from but I acknowledge that God can work through this difficulty if he so wishes.
I have been on two Christian websites, part-time for 7 years. I would estimate that of the female profiles I have reviewed, well over 25%, perhaps as high as 50% list the previous romantic relationship as being with a non-Christian or nominal Christian. Now thankfully despite our very liberal marriage laws here in Canada, I am only looking at female profiles, so perhaps the Christian men are not much different, but I do not know because I am not looking at their profiles! I am not criticizing the women in particular here. However, I would deduce that the already small number of Christians available for dating is made considerably less when Christians date non-Christians and nominal Christians. Again I believe that God can work through this problem if he wishes. It should be reasoned though that it will often be difficult for women who have dated non-Christians and nominal Christians to relate to committed theological Christians such as myself. I am not being arrogant here, but realistic.
With few available women this would make it unlikely for me to spiritually, intellectually, and physically relate with the Christians I meet. They may have one or two of the three things I mentioned, but all three is not likely. I do believe that physical attraction is essential for most in romantic relationships, but I would rate it less important than spiritual and intellectual compatibility. I have prayed to the Lord that I would accept the least possible as far as looks are concerned within the group of women that I am naturally physically attracted too. This means I am not holding out for a supermodel! However, I do have standards and I view them as natural although I must be aware that I am a corrupt being. God must be sought in prayer on this issue. I shall be blunt here, I think that a lot of Christians are not looking primarily at the spirituality or intellect of a potential mate, but are putting too much emphasize on looks and social status. I have written hundreds of letters to women on the internet and I deduce that the lack of overall Biblical and theological knowledge and understanding within Christians is playing a major part in me not finding someone. My deduction is that many Christians have only a basic understanding of the gospel and are saved, but would tend to relate better in romantic relationships with non-Christians and nominal Christians.
Basically on the positive side the internet, Facebook and Blogger does open up possibilities to meet persons of the opposite sex where in Christ there could be spiritual, intellectual and potentially romantic attraction. And despite what anyone would state with me personally looking for a younger woman of potential child-bearing age, the most important thing is someone to dialogue with.
One hundred years ago and earlier the Western world was more Christianized and one could go to church on Sunday and perhaps find someone to relate to. Now in many places in the West that is very difficult, especially for the intellectual. So perhaps there needs to be a paradigm shift in thinking and social and cultural rules relating to geography and age need to be reconsidered and sites such as Facebook and Blogger may serve as initial meeting places for future personal meetings.
That is a wild photo, is it not?
ReplyDeleteRuss,
ReplyDeletethanks for the honesty. It is hard to be single, and even harder to find a Godly woman in this time. I agree with your observations- most Christians are, at best, nominal in their faith. I can see why Jesus asked, "when the son of man comes will he find faith on the earth?" I'll be praying for you and your quest.
Thanks Mike, for your support with this series and the prayers!
ReplyDeleteI am aiming to be honest and face the problems at hand. As stated I have made mistakes and this series is about me philosophically discussing the issue and looking for answers.
That is a great photo! I have been staring at it, trying to work out how it all fits together.
ReplyDeleteThat was a very interesting post to read. As someone coming from the female side, it is encouraging to know that there are men pursuing godliness and a biblical picture of manhood. I am sad to report that this is not often the case within the church.
Part of the problem, I believe, is a lack of biblical teaching on biblical manhood and womanhood in the church. We are the first generation not to have automatically gone to Sunday school so we have missed out on the church's teaching on family and society. At the same time, we have grown up during the time of women's 'liberation', increasing demand for gender 'sameness', the rise of the divorce and the denigration of the institution of marriage. We don't know what a biblical society or biblical relationships or families look like.
Instead we have replaced this with teaching from society and now churches are not teaching against this. I do think there is an increasing revival amongst the evangelical church to reclaim this, but it is slow in coming and needs plenty of encouragement.
(On night shift, so better get back to work. I'll return if I think of anything else!)
Hi, Keziah, or should I say Doctor Keziah.
ReplyDeleteI understand from your blog that you are a MD. I hope it goes well for you this morning on the night shift. You must have some interesting stories to tell.
The photo is weird to me, and I find it interesting that no land is wasted.
We agree that a lack of Biblical and theological teaching within the Church is a problem. When we are looking for a potential Christian mate we are often dealing with people that will rate us based on secular and not Christian criteria. I find this quite annoying, although again I must seek the Lord for my own self-improvement.
Doctor, thanks and I appreciate your intelligent comments.
Congratulations on becoming an Aunt soon.
I must be cautious recommending a secular site, but I have found the following program interesting, and much of what is stated agrees with my research and experience.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.doclove.com/
does god posess the faculty of "wishing"...what do you think of the unificationist's understanding of divine intervention based on a "we do our part so that God can do his part" principle. they even have it figured out to be something like 5% to 95%.
ReplyDeleteby their principle, the more we do to prepare ourselves to be a good husband and to love anyone that He has prepared for us to love, unconditionally and to the end, the more He is able to connect you to that somone, and in a greater spirit will that union be.
i'd be curious to hear your thoughts.
Thanks for reading and commenting.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Millard Erickson that God has a perfect will (wish) and permissive will. Many times within creation God works within his permissive will. Erickson (1994: 361). With his permissive will God wills evil for the greater good and not just good for the greater good. This is a reason for the problem of evil, as is sin.
I believe that God is the primary cause of all actions, while human beings and/or at times angelic beings, are a secondary cause. This secondary cause is done with the use of limited free will. Secondary causes are influenced by the primary cause but are not forced or coerced. This is known as compatibilism or soft determinism. Determinism or hard determinism believes that God is the only cause of all actions.
I admit I have made mistakes but as noted not with a right person. There are things beyond my control that prevent me from finding someone such as lack of Christian women, lack of Biblically mature Christian women, my lack of energy with sleep apnea, lack of income with being a student, ageism from younger women who assume that men in their 30s have certain experience, etc. I have sought God for over 20 years on this issue, but I deduce that many people are single somewhat because of sin. However, although I am definitely struggling with sin, I do not believe I have largely caused my singleness.
Cheers
ERICKSON, Millard. (1994) Christian Theology, Grand Rapids, Baker Book House.
Today I am blog surfing, and I "next-blog"ged my way to your site. Truth be told, it took several clicks until I found something worthy of stopping and reading.
ReplyDeleteYour post caught my eye (obviously, I am commenting...)
Something to consider is that we all define "Godly" in our own way and somehow, we have lost the ability to really ask the right questions of potential suitors. I have only met one man (the husband of a close friend and a community minister) that I would say shared my understanding of God.
This kind of revelation doesn't happen in casual conversation. And, I doubt that it happens in most dating relationships. Too often, we want to be what the other wants us to be (not to mention that we assume that the other is what we want them to be.) Not to mention, that this kind of conversation is probably reserved for those who you are considering taking to the next level. This isn't a check the block conversation that begins and ends with "Are you a Christian?" or "Do you believe in God?" (similar to the kids conversation, that is also not as easy as asking: Do you want to have kids and how many?).
The whole reason for my comment is this: if you haven't read this study, please take the time. I read it recently and it attempts to capture what people believe about their faith. Truth be told, my husband's revelation that he was in a different "category" of believer from me explained a great many things.
Here's the link: http://www.baylor.edu/isreligion/index.php?id=40634
Good luck!
Thanks Amy, for taking the time to comment. I am downloading and will scan the study.
ReplyDeleteThe study looks similar to some of the material I photocopied today for my empirical research with my doctorate. Researching different denominational beliefs will a part of my PhD work. From a Biblical, Christian world-view there are certain concepts accepted as essential such as a belief and trust in God and Christ, the Trinity, the deity of Christ, and salvation through Christ alone. What I would need to find in a potential mate is a woman who shares these basic beliefs where there is mutual intellectual and physical attraction. This is no easy task in a western society where many people claim to have some sort of loose Christian affiliation but seemingly have not been regenerated by God based on Biblical standards, not my own. I have my own struggles as well, and am a work in progress needing divine assistance.
Russ:)
I don't know how much space is alloted for comments, but I will try to be brief. 1)You sound cynical. This is NOT a critisism but just an observation. 2) The same God that created earth and all in and around it created you and why wouldn't he create a mate for you? He desires to be the loving father who gives his child bread when he's hungery, not a snake, right? It has nothing to do with being deserving or not. We never deserve anything he gives us. 3) Where does it say in the bible that she has to be a believer? It doesn't. Infact, it says that should you marry an unbeliever, you should not divorce because it may be your example of belief that wins your spouse over. Amen? 4)When my husband I and hooked up some 17 years ago, I was a bible reading gal but I sure wasn't willing to adhere to what I read. Many a fight was faught over the head of household role. Lucky for him, I gave up. Granted, it was a sarcastic surrender, but I now see the wisdom of Gods' word. 5) Too much knowledge is a dangerous thing. I think perhaps you are over analyzing this. Where is your childlike faith? Ask "Dad" for a wife and let him take care of it! He has been in the marriage arranging business a lot longer than anyone. He knows what you need (He values you more than a sparrow), when you need (He is always faithful) and what/who you need so RELAX and let him drive!
ReplyDeletePerhaps I oversimplify it all, but why worry? My husband was out of work for 9 months last year, the house was almost lost in a land contract mess, I had no job and was a student at a local tech and we have 3 kids. We never went hungry, we never lost the house, my husbands surgery went off without a hitch, blah blah blah! What good does it do to worry? What kind of example does that set for nonbelievers? If we worry and fret we aren't allowing God to do his very best work! When we let that happen and we share the story, we witness to the most kind, loving Father ever known.
Please don't take this as critizism (my spelling stinks, I know) but you need to relax and let God give you the wife of your dreams. She may be a little different than what you would have picked, but it would make for a very dull marriage if you were perfect together right off the bat. It's taken 17 very very long years for Rocky and I to see eye to eye on a lot of things. But there is no one I'd rather spend time with. He's my best friend. He knows all my secrets. We may not be pretty, but we love each other. We still scrap, but it's still fun to make up. And it sets a good example for the kids.
Thanks Becky,
ReplyDeleteI accept the fact that people will disagree with some of what I state on this blog, and you have done so respectfully.
1. Yes, I am somewhat cynical, if by that you mean negative, but the evidence I presented realistically means that I must see the negative involved. To ignore negative is to ignore some of the evidence.
2. I think that part one of this series answers your point. Please review it if you wish.
3. I think it would be unwise for me to marry an unbeliever for a few reasons, and this list is not exhaustive
-The lack of spiritual support from my wife in regard to ministry and life.
-Our debating on issues concerning how our children would be raised.
-There would be no guarantee I would assist in winning a spouse over to Christ.
-The disharmony that being with an unbeliever would cause in the marriage.
4. I do not adhere to everything in the Bible I read, perfectly. As stated I am a sinner, but by God's grace I desire to be Christ-like and I would like to be with a woman who also desires to be Christ-like. There also needs to be physical and intellectual mutual attraction.
5. Too much knowledge is dangerous because of potential pride and arrogance and therefore God must be sought in the pursuit of knowledge. However, is not a lack of knowledge much more dangerous? As I am already sinful and finite, I am from the start handicapped in gaining a proper understanding of reality and I think that God guided knowledge is a blessing. I have a child-like faith but I do not desire to have a blind or ignorant faith. I am not stating anything negative about your faith by the way Becky!:) Your point about letting the Lord guide our lives is an excellent one.
Thanks again,
Russ
Gee, Russ! I like you already! Considering this is the first night I have ever sat up and blog surfed, I have the flu, I have enjoyed being up and visiting your blog. Re-reading my post, I stand by it firmly~atleast the part about being a terrible speller!
ReplyDeleteI by no means would ever want to judge you or your beliefs (thanks for the comment that I wasn't disrespectful. Glad I didn't offend!) but I just wanted to bring another "flavor" to the banquet of the conversation.
I tend to over simplify. Perhaps it is my gender or my own need to keep it simple so I don't get caught up in the details. Yes, it would be wonderful if he provided you with a spiritual match that had flaxen hair and legs that went up to her neck, but...have you ever been attracted to someones mind and thought you could fall in love inspite of her not being completely attractive? Is it more difficult to love an "ugly" woman or to love a beautiful woman who had a terrible accident that left her disfigured?
I know I could have found a better word than "nonbeliever". Perhaps I could have said someone who was not as knowledgeable as you? Someone who might be more or less as sure as you? I know there is a better phrase for it, I am just worn down (it's 3:30 am here! and I am feeling crappy from the flu) and I can't get the words to form right. Maybe a little like Rock and I were way back. He could quote the bible, I could find it in the book case! Now, we can quote each other silly during an argument. Pretty irritating some days. It's not bad enough to have the still small voice inside of you convicting you of sin, but have chapter and verse by your spouse! Ouch.
And yes. Ignorance IS as bad as or worse than too much knowledge. But (who didn't see the but coming?) nah, no but. I agree. I loved being "ignorant" about the bible for many years. Well, maybe not loved, but it made my life easier so I thought. Then after a trip through Romans 8, I was corrected. Double ouch. Ignorance is no excuse. I thought if I was ignorant of the rules I had an excuse to not adhere to them. Now I know that to break one is to break all and to break all is to break one.
Russ, I enjoyed this exchange and I certainly will peek back in at you. I hope that God provides you with what you need, if not what you want, but I hope it is soon! As you can tell, I play the Devil's advocate but God has my heart and soul. I hope you get a wife worthy of your intellect and I hope she spars well! Should you ever get to Wisconsin, look us up. I think we could have a wonderful dinner conversation!
Thanks Becky, I really appreciate your kindness and participation.
ReplyDeletehave you ever been attracted to someones mind and thought you could fall in love inspite of her not being completely attractive?
No.:) But, I would change the word completely to somewhat.
Is it more difficult to love an "ugly" woman or to love a beautiful woman who had a terrible accident that left her disfigured?
Most males would not romantically love an ugly woman I deduce. However, defining the idea of ugly is not simple, as men would disagree. I find very few women ugly. I have thought much about the issue of disfigured persons and did so writing part one of this series. I doubt that every disfigured or disabled Christian single person is either married or content an in context with no desire for a mate. I have prayed I would be attracted to a disfigured or disabled person if that is God's will, and I have already decided that once in a committed relationship to a woman, I would not leave her due to an accident, illness etc. I would expect the same treatment in return.
Cheers, Becky and I appreciate the support and also look for good people in the USA to visit.
Please get well.
O God he who is fountainhead of sainthood, we humbly beg of you to give us the blessing to walk along your path, to abide by your words, "I am the foundation and you are my branches".
ReplyDeleteCheers.
ReplyDeleteRuss
I suppose singleness can make it easier to focus on bettering oneself and growing in faith.
ReplyDeleteI can definitely relate to your frustration, though.
I also want to add, to Becky: there is a Biblical admonition against marrying unbelievers: 2 Corintians 6:14, which encourages Christians not to be "unequally yoked together with unbelievers."
Reading all the comments, it seems like a lot of people can relate to this post!
Those are good points, Ruthie.
ReplyDeleteThanks,
Russ
In your other article, where you talk about met and unmet needs, you bring up some good points. Even Paul had an unmet need, which he asked the Lord about 3 times, but the Lord did not meet that need for him.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I am very picky, so if I were actively looking for a mate, I would have standards which seem to be almost impossible today. For example, I would never want to marry a woman who has been divorced (i.e., previously married), and I would never want to marry a woman who already had kids. Marriage already has difficulties enough (i.e., maintaining a good marriage, is, I understand, hard work), without adding to the problem. I would not want to marry a woman who was not a Christian, and I would not even want to marry a woman who "spoke in tongues" or believed in the so-called Charismatic gifts, because these things would create huge conflicts. If a woman smokes, that is a huge turnoff for me, so that would disqualify her. If the woman was very fat or was ugly, I would probably not seriously consider her as a mate, because I think there has to be at least some amount of physical attraction between married individuals.
People have always told me, "God has somebody in mind for you," but I don't believe that is necessarily the case at all...and so far, it seems that I was right.
Many years ago, I was visiting my cousins, and one said, "Well, here's my wife; where's yours?" Statements like that are completely unnecessary, IMO.
In today's society (at least in the U.S.), an unmarried man is viewed as being incomplete. Women, when finding out that I have never been married and don't have any kids, seem to think there is something wrong with me. They are shocked. I think one time somebody even asked me if I was gay. Even church activities are geared toward married couples, teens, and sometimes college-aged singles; but hardly ever to middle-aged single persons. I think there may also be a tendency to see a person as "immature" if they are not married.
And yet, Paul said he wished everyone could be single like him! He said that, as far as serving the Lord is concerned, there are advantages for the single person that the married individual does not have!