As well on Sunday, at the barbecue I was in a discussion with a few men about the singleness issue. I have written three articles on this topic for this website, but I wish to comment. I agreed in the discussion that physical attraction is not as important as spirituality or intellect, but I have not as an adult primarily concentrated on looks in women. We should be careful within the Christian Church not to be too critical of singles, telling them that intellect and physical attraction do not matter in romantic relationships.
I firmly believe that Christians need to have at least a minimally significant, as opposed to maximally significant, spiritual, intellectual, and physical mutual attraction for a relationship to work well. To tell someone not to expect this, from a Christian perspective, is to expect significant commitment in marriage, without significant attraction, and I reason that this is philosophically flawed. Just because a person is past his/her twenties, should not mean that he/she needs to toss standards aside in order to meet some social standard.
I personally have on many occasions subjected my standards to God for revision, and so I am willing to change if that is God’s guiding will. An argument is sometimes made by pastors and theologians that Biblically speaking, sinful sexual desire must be countered by marriage, and therefore persons should marry if not content being single.
First Corinthians 7:9 from the New American Standard Bible states: But if they do not have the self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn.
http://www.greeknewtestament.com/B46C007.htm
purousqai (Purousqai) is the New Testament Greek word for ‘burn’ here. The Greek New Testament (1993: 581). Strong defines the root word burn here as purow. He explains that the word burn comes from the Greek word for fire pur. Strong (1986: 84). Strong defines the root word ‘puroo’ in 7:9 as to kindle, to be ignited, glow, be refined, to be inflamed with anger, grief, lust, to burn, fiery, be on fire, try. Strong (1986: 84).
Fee writes that the use of the word ‘burn’ here is metaphorical, and could refer to either burning with desire or burning in judgment. Fee (1987: 289). Fee thinks the context shows that the meaning is inner desire. Fee (1987: 289). Paul was stating that rather than being consumed by sexual sin, one should marry. Fee (1987: 289). Fee explains that marriage here is the proper alternative for those struggling with desire and sin. Fee (1987: 289).
First Corinthians 7:9 shows that a Christian struggling with sexual sin should pursue marriage, but I must point out that if there is not at least minimal, significant mutual attraction, the ‘burn’ will not be appeased. A person struggling with desire will not very likely overcome the desire to be with someone attractive, by being with someone that he/she does not find attractive, and I am not meaning this in solely or primarily physical terms. We need to be careful in the Church and realize that marriage in itself is not a remedy for sexual sin, but marriage in mutual attraction can be.
FEE, GORDON (1987) The First Epistle to the Corinthians, Grand Rapids, William B. Eerdmans Publishing Company.
THE GREEK NEW TESTAMENT (1993) Stuttgart, United Bible Societies.
STRONG, J. (1986) Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible, Pickering, Ontario, Welch Publishing Company.
WENHAM, J.W. (1991) The Elements of New Testament Greek, Cambridge, Cambridge University Press.
