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Reality check
An acquaintance friend wrote some comments on a Facebook page, recently. As they were not directly stated for me, but relate to my views, which I have discussed with this person on several occasions, I think it is ethical that I can paraphrase part of his essay and then accurately reply.
Paraphrased
This person is concerned that many people in the evangelical church are seeking a potential date and are looking for what they do not offer.
Some persons in the evangelical church are seeking from potential dates, different levels of age, fitness and appearance that he/she does not possess.
This person then also writes that persons should only seek similar levels of maturity and related.
In regard to maturity and related, especially spiritual maturity, I can basically agree with the acquaintance friend that in general, one should consider a date of a similar level of maturity. I would follow this myself, but I cannot rule out that God could, in his perfect will have a dating scenario where one Christian mentors another.
My acquaintance friend did not document any Scripture in the essay presented, however:
2 Corinthians, Chapter 6 could be used by some evangelicals as a proof text for support of dating within one's level of age, fitness and appearance.
David J. A. Clines explains that 6: 14 documents that believers are not to be yoked with unbelievers (1401). In other words, the donkey should not plow with the ox because they will not plow in unison. They are in philosophical terms ontologically (existence and nature) too different to work well closely together.
Note, the context is believer and unbeliever. Not believer and believer. It is a significant theological stretch with this section of 2 Corinthians 6 to fit for an evangelical agenda of some that favour a social rules, market value dating system. Market value dating (MVD) is my term.
My acquaintance friend assumes it is error to seek in a dating context, different levels of age, fitness and appearance, but this person's view, at least, is not significantly biblical. The approach this person disagrees with would not be prohibited by 2 Corinthians 6 in the context of believer/unbeliever, nor by 2 Corinthians 6, in the theological stretch of applying it to believer/believer.
Many commentators have noted that the donkey and ox would not plow well together because they are different animals, they are not uniform and there work would not be in unison.
In unions that require the same world view, Christians should not too tightly associate with non-Christians. This would include in a romantic context. It means that Christians should be careful with too close of associations with those within the world. This does not prohibit evangelism and witness.
Two Christians dating need to yoke together well spiritually. But common sense informs this is not at all guaranteed, nor should it be assumed, by two people having similar age, fitness and level of appearance. Sadly, this view, lacking theological and philosophical depth, from my acquaintance friend, in my opinion, has been heavily influenced by secular views on market value dating (MVD) within the evangelical church.
What my acquaintance friend is stating is logical. In a MVD system one has a much better practical, opportunity for dating if one dates according to social rules and MVD. But dating following modern secular social rules and MVD does not equate to a biblical approach of dating someone of similar spiritual maturity in Jesus Christ.
The logic of dating in what is considered social equality, does not necessarily equate to truth. Using logical premises does not necessarily equate with true conclusions, as I have discussed on this website in archives.
What is true is logical, but what is logical is not always true.
The view of my acquaintance friend overlooks many things, but on some key points, for example:
Maturity it is not necessarily based on age, especially spiritual maturity. Rather philosophically and practically birds of a same feather, flock together. Having the same worldview and similar views on key issues is crucial in dating.
Many males in the evangelical church that can still potentially procreate, desire a female to date that can potentially procreate if marriage occurs. There is a biblical mandate of course to do so if one can find a mate (Genesis 1). Those men excluded would be the aged and those physically and mentally disabled, not simply those that are significantly older. Assuming only younger men should mate with younger women is a secular construct that I would reason has been fueled to some extent by radical feminism. I am not denying that by nature, typically persons wish to date and marry close to their age. I am rather stating that exceptions should be allowed for philosophically and theologically, in regard to youthful older men.
Only dating in one’s league looks wise and social rules wise, is a view this acquaintance friend is really stating in an evangelical spiritual guise; does not necessarily appease the burn of 1 Corinthians 7.
πυροῦσθαι
Purousqai is the New Testament Greek word for ‘burn’ here. The Greek New Testament (1993: 581). Strong defines the root word burn here as purow. He explains that the word burn comes from the Greek word for fire pur. Strong (1986: 84). Strong defines the root word puroo in 7:9 as to kindle, to be ignited, glow, be refined, to be inflamed with anger, grief, lust, to burn, fiery, be on fire, try. Strong (1986: 84). Fee writes that the use of the word ‘burn’ here is metaphorical, and could refer to either burning with desire or burning in judgment. Fee (1987: 289).
Fee thinks the context shows that the meaning is inner desire. Fee (1987: 289). Paul was stating that rather than being consumed by sexual sin, one should marry. Fee (1987: 289). Fee explains that marriage here is the proper alternative for those struggling with desire and sin. Fee (1987: 289).
First Corinthians 7:9 shows that a Christian struggling with sexual sin should pursue marriage, but I must point out that if there is not at least minimal, significant mutual attraction, the ‘burn’ will not be appeased. A person struggling with desire will not very likely overcome the desire to be with someone attractive, by being with someone that he/she does not find attractive, and I am not meaning this in solely or primarily physical terms. We need to be careful in the Church and realize that marriage in itself is not a remedy for sexual sin, but marriage in mutual attraction can be.
My acquaintance friend (paraphrased) wrote that people that are not seeking ‘same’ need a reality check.
God willing, I provide a theological reality check…
The settle for the one's league view and approach to dating, within MVD is pragmatic and logical. But for those that wish to use proof texts in support of such views, this approach is not directly supported by 2 Corinthians 6 and 1 Corinthians 7 implies sexual attraction is required.
If the burn can be dealt with by seeking dating and then marriage ‘sameness’ that is good, but there is no theological guarantee that it would in the case of every single Christian seeking a mate.
A better critique than this agenda from my acquaintance friend would be to encourage those single, seeking dating in Christ to seek mutual, spiritual, intellectual and physical mutual attraction in the name of the Father, Son, Holy Spirit, or to stay single, even while suffering.
CLINES, DAVID, J. A. (1986), 2 Corinthians, The International Bible Commentary, Grand Rapids, Zondervan.
FEE, GORDON (1987) The First Epistle to the Corinthians, Grand Rapids, William B. Eerdmans Publishing Company.
STRONG, J. (1986) Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible, Pickering, Ontario, Welch Publishing Company.
